Well, here we are, Reader. We’ve made it through Holy Week, 2024. Happy Easter! Lord Jesus Christ is risen today! Alleluia!

How was your Holy Week? Was it difficult for you too? In continuing with the last post, I’ve recorded the color of each day:

Color My Days: Holy Week 2024 Continued

• Sunday, March 25: Red and blue blending to make purple in the middle.
• Monday, March 26: Blue-Gray, a sleepy day. So tired.
• Tuesday, March 27: Yellow with black spots around the edges- mostly joyful
• Wednesday, March 28: Red center with black around the edges, feeling broken-hearted, but why?
• Thursday: Orange and dark blue-black
• Friday: Black, just black
• Saturday: All the colors of a sunset
• Sunday: White, an unsplit rainbow

Holy Thursday: The Humility of Being Served

I helped Belinda act as hospitality and hand out bulletins to people who came to Mass. We also hustled people to have their feet washed. This happens every year on Holy Thursday in commemoration of Jesus washing the feet of the 12 apostles. There should ideally be 12 people, but for a while, I wasn’t sure we would have even half that as almost everyone we asked said no. I didn’t plan to have my feet washed this year because I did last year, and I thought it would be good to give someone else a turn. And last year, it took everything in me to say yes and go through it when the day came. Why?

I get that some people are ticklish and would howl with laughter (super inappropriate) throughout the entire thing. But surely, this is only a small number of people who say no. Why are so few people willing to have their feet washed, and those who agree often do so reluctantly, like me?

I wonder if this has to do with self-reliance and control. We don’t have our feet washed; we can wash our feet ourselves. We don’t have our feet washed; we wash others’ feet. We don’t need help; we can do it for ourselves. I think there is humility in allowing someone to do something for you, especially if you can do it yourself.

On Holy Thursday, we watch priests (and even Pope Francis!) wash people’s feet and understand that we should serve others similarly. However, I think Peter’s reaction to Jesus saying He would wash Peter’s feet mirrors what many of us feel today: “You will never wash my feet.” The flip side of serving others is that sometimes, we have to allow others to serve us. That is so difficult! But if we think we can do everything, we will be reluctant to turn to God. I am so prone to this- thinking I can do everything on my own. So I said yes to having my feet washed.

After Mass, we were able to sit in adoration for a little while, and then we concluded with night prayer. It was lovely to be able to sit and talk with God for a while in St. Augusta, but it was so sad when Jesus was removed from the tabernacle and the lit candle was taken away.

I usually listen to music in the car, but instead, I drove home in silence, feeling sorrowful and empty.

Good Friday

I woke up early, made bread, and cleaned, trying to stay busy. Even so, it was a quiet and slow morning. I had planned to eat my meal as lunch and let Stuart know that I wouldn’t be eating dinner. But when lunchtime came, I wasn’t hungry, so I just had a few pieces of the bread I had just made. I went to the 3pm Good Friday Service at Sorrowful Mother. I took my prayer book and also a book of prayers (Lord Hear Our Prayer, 1978, Ave Maria Press) that I found at Restored earlier in the week and prayed two new prayers from it, which I love and have not yet copied into my prayer book:

For Those We Love

Lord God, we can hope for others nothing better than the happiness we desire for ourselves. Therefore, I pray you, do not separate me after death from those I tenderly loved on earth. Grant that where I am they may be with me, and that I may enjoy their presence in heaven after being so often deprived of it on earth. Lord God, I ask you to receive your beloved children immediately into your life-giving heart. After this brief life on earth, give them eternal happiness. Amen

Saint Ambrose of Milan (339-397) – From “Lord Hear Our Prayer” (1978)

For Perfect Love

My God, I desire to love you perfectly, 
With all my heart, which you made for yourself
With all my mind, which you alone can satisfy,
With all my soul, which longs to soar to you,
With all my strength, my feeble strength
which shrinks from so great a task
and yet can choose nothing else
but to spend itself in loving you.
Claim my heart; free my mind;
Uplift my soul; reinforce my strength;
That where I fail, you may succeed in me
and make me love you perfectly,
through Jesus Christ, my Lord.

Community of St. Mary the Virgin, Wantage – from “Lord Hear Our Prayer” (1978)

What is Truth?

In the Passion narrative, I was struck by Pilate asking, “What is truth?” which seemed like such a post-modern, relativist question. What constitutes truth? What is true? These are questions to which I had no answers only a few years ago. This also made me think of a line from a poetry-art book about unicorns my father got me when I was little- To Be a Unicorn. I feel like I want to read it again, and another one I used to love, “De Historia Et Veritate Unicornis/on the History and Truth of the Unicorn,” so I’ll have to snag a used copy on Amazon. As a true child of the 80’s, I was obsessed with unicorns.

“What is truth?” also reminds me of Philippians 4:8-9:

 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ⁹ What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, do; and the God of peace will be with you.

Oh, Pilate- you asked the question idly, “What is truth?” not caring for an answer. But if you had asked this honestly and searched for and contemplated an answer, would you have condemned Jesus? How could you ask, “What is truth?” and not see the answer when He is standing right in front of you?

And yet, haven’t I done this many times? Don’t I still do it?

Kissing Jesus Goodnight

When it came time for the Veneration of the Cross, I kissed the crucifix on the forehead because I thought, I will kiss Jesus goodnight, not goodbye. Even so, I was still so sad and so empty. I felt too sad even to cry.

It is sad that so many people think this is idolatry. Why would they think that? I don’t think the crucifix is Jesus. It is representational. When we were first married, I kept a picture of Stuart on my bedside table and would sometimes kiss it goodnight when he was traveling. I knew the picture wasn’t Stuart- it represented him and helped me remember him.

After Mass, I gathered my things and left. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to go. At home, I did a little computer work. I had planned to do some more baking, but I was too tired, so I prayed the first day of the Divine Mercy Novena and then went to bed.

Goodnight

Speaking of bed, it is pretty late, so I think I will just post this now and write the rest in another post tomorrow. Goodnight Reader!